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So Bad It's Horrible/Fanfic
"Congratulations, fan fic author! You have made being brutally raped and sexually assaulted boring as hell. You should be proud; truly, it's some impressive work." - Rob Bricken of Topless Robot, on "Slutball". Anybody with a computer, a keyboard, and internet access can have their work published for (potentially) millions to read. As Sturgeon's Law and these examples prove, this means anybody has the potential to publish outright horrible crap. Of course, you can have good fanfiction...just like you can have absolute crap professionally-produced fiction. BEWARE: Most of these will not be safe for work, eyes, sanity, or any combination of the previous three. Important Note: Merely being offensive in its subject matter is not sufficient. Hard as it is to imagine at times, there is a market for all types of deviancy, no matter how small a niche it is. It has to fail to appeal even to that niche to qualify as this, and any descriptions that fail to imply anything but offensiveness will be deleted. Second Important Note: Do not list authors. This index is about horrible works, not horrible people. If you want to see some bad examples of shoddily made fan films, then visit on its spiritual sibling page. Numberials (0-9) 1000 tearz or deth (Disrespectful, In Name Only, rude author, Rouge Angles of Satin, rape) * Fandom: Harry Potter. * Pairing: Yes, unfortunately. * Synopsis: "A mis-understud gurl goes to Hogwarts. she ends up in slytherin and finds herself in tha middle of a fite between goths, preps, and nerds." * Comments: A dismal, humorless My Immortal clone. Each episode's pointlessly padded with word-for-word, beginning-to-end lyrics of songs she likes, and at least one was posted twice. Seriously. How bad does a My Immortal clone have to be before it's not even funny? This bad. ** There's one saving grace, but just one ï¿½ the author's sister. DeathlyGladEmoGurl had her beta read the work. The sister regularly inserts her own notes, putting her somewhere between Deadpan Snarker, Only Sane Lady, and Beleaguered Assistant, invoking You Are Not Alone in the process. They're not part of the work proper, though. ** The author claims she has Asperger Syndrome. At least one reviewer left a comment that basically amounted to "I have Aspergers, and even I find this bad"...and several others made how offended they were quite clear. A to D * A * Angel of Death (Rude author, Beige Prose, Self Insert, Black Hole Sue, Jerk Sue, Rape as Drama, Moral Event Horizon crossing, Double-Line-Cross Failure, Rouge Angles of Satin, Sick and Wrong, Idiot Plot, Wanton Cruelty to the Common Comma, PWP without porn, Draco in Leather Pants) (since that site occasionally goes offline, three parts of an MST are here, here, and here) ** Fandom: Technically, Real Person Fic. ** Pairing: Mary Sue / Josef Mengele. ** Synopsis: Micki (or Miki ï¿½ consistent spelling is not this thing's strong point) is caught harboring a Jewish family and carted off to Auschwitz. She does things that would have had her shot dead in real life, but instead the SS guards simply admire her "stunning beauty". After being raped by a guard, she's taken in by the good doctor Mengele and sets off a "torrid" affair that predates Twilight in its creepiness (the fact she displays no emotion whatsoever amps this Up to Eleven). Along the way she burns a room full of innocent Jewish people while getting back at the guard that attacked her, and she and Mengele fight/break up/make up many times. In the end she's abandoned, goes insane, and is gunned down while trying to leave the camp. ** Comments: This is one of the "Golden Oldies" from the GodAwful Fanfiction Forum; just say "Josef Mengele Mary Sue" and many people will know exactly which fic you mean. As if the subject matter wasn't Squicktacularenough, the author's "Disclaimer" at the end shows an unbridled arrogance: As an "author", I try to take what you might see as a BAD situation and turn it into a GOOD thing. A "romantic" thing, if you will. I will try to take the worst, most appalling things imaginable, and, (if I write the story to the best of my ability), actually make you wish you were there. *** Clearly, the author failed at that. * Any way she wants it (Rouge Angles of Satin, vore, incest, In Name Only, Cookie Cutter Fic, Plagiarism) (Ponychan's MST here) ** Fandom: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. ** Pairing: Derpy Hooves / Dinky Hooves. ** Synopsis: Dinky's watching vore, then leaves her computer running while she goes off to Sunday School. Derpy discovers her vore and decides to do the logical thing ï¿½ eat her daughter. But who would've guessed that eating a person kills them? But that's okay. ** Comments: A fanfic plagiarized from an equally-horrible original kink story, with cut-and-pasted My Little Pony names. Since the name of the original main character (who Dinky replaces) is Ron, this results in words such as "front door" becoming "fDinkyt door." In addition, the titular ponies eat Mexican food and refer to themselves as "human beings." The spelling errors so terrible you can't even begin to understand what's going on. The story ends with an Esoteric Happy Ending, with Derpy making up with her OC daughter Danky...because murder brings them together, apparently. There's a serious Author Tract about Judaism (referred to as Celestism, for some reason). Couple that with failing biology, history, religious studies, and just about everything else under the sun, even the biggest hater of the show would pass. *** It's also part of a series. The former is narrated from the perspective of a pair of breasts, and the latter, which may or may not be a Troll Fic, cranks up the incestuous Author Tract up to painful levels, as well as failing biology and sex ed harder than you'd have believed possible. * *** The author eventually got around to naming the third fic. His choice? Ten Pounds Of Fetus And Mouthwash. If that doesn't tip you off, nothing will. * Aphrodisiac Powder (Out of Character, bestiality, Gratuitous Rape, possible Self Insert due to character confusion, IKEA Erotica) ** Fandom: Final Fantasy VII. ** Pairings: Elena/Reno and all of the protagonists (except Cait Sith) plus one person who is either Cid or an Author Avatar in one big non-consentual orgy. ** Synopsis: After rescuing Yuffie from Don Corneo in Wutai, our heroes chastise her for stealing their Materia. Suddenly, a strange smell in the air causes all the men to turn into rape-zombies, who immediately have their way with Yuffie. Aerith and Tifa walk in, and they get gang-raped too. Elsewhere, Elena forces Reno to have sex with her using an aphrodisiac she bought at a store. It's revealed at the end that Elena's titlar powder got on Yuffie somehow, causing the rape orgy. ** Comments: This fic was famous on Godawful Fanfiction for its description of Red XIII's penis "unfurling." Besides that squicky image and the obnoxious Gratuitous Rape throughout the fic (that everyone is perfectly okay with afterward), the characters are also horribly OOC. Yuffie goes from being a snarky Bratty Half-Pint to being weepy and submissive, while Elena, who is usually a Minion with an F in Evil, has turned into a creepy rapist (and why she couldn't just ASK Reno to have sex with her is anyone's guess). Cid is jarringly replaced mid-scene by a guy named "Vic." If that's not a typo, then it's possibly the most sudden appearance of an Author Avatar ever. Strangley enough, Cait Sith is completely absent from this whole ordeal...but maybe that's a good thing! * Artemis's Lover (Explicit sex, bestiality) (best and most widely-known MST here) ** Fandom: Sailor Moon. ** Pairing: Artemis / Oscar (an Author Avatar who is supposed to represent the author exactly). ** Synopsis: Oscar's in love with a Sailor Moon character ï¿½ specifically Minako's white cat, Artemis. ** Comments: Written in 1997, this is pretty much the Ur Example in bad fanfiction. There's so much Rouge Angles of Satin and Wanton Cruelty to the Common Comma, it's almost unreadable well before you reach the Squick. * B ** The best fanfic ever I swear you won't be disapoint (Rouge Angles of Satin, Yaoi, Squick, nonsensical plot, Wanton Cruelty to the Common Comma, Rape as Comedy, PWP, and incredibly short) *** Fandom: Scott Pilgrim. *** Pairing: Scott / Wallace. *** Synopsis: There is none really, but Scott "faps his peepee" to the poster on his wall. Wallace walks in and the rest is history. *** Comments: A blatant, obvious Troll Fic, but it still deserves to be in this category. Horrific grammar, Squick, and Idiot Plot makes this thing unreadable in its before you finish its first paragraph. Oh, and the ironic title? That's the fic's real title . C ** Chibi Usa's 7th Birthday (explicit sex, pedophilia, parent/child incest, brutal rape, and lots of physical impossibility) *** Fandom: Sailor Moon. *** Pairing: Chibi-Usa / absolutely everyone, plus random pairings in the background. *** Synopsis: All the Sailors and Tuxedo Mask (her father) decide to give Chibi-Usa a "special" birthday celebration. *** Comments: The other classic contender for worst fanfic ever written back in the day. Along with the brutality (the crying, the bleeding), the sheer anatomical impossibility of almost everything (has the author ever seen a human being?), and the fact that she begins enjoying it...there's spelling and punctuation errors, terrible formatting, and the robotic description of what gets stuck where when. ** The Chihuatlan Chronicals (Bad spelling/grammar, OOC-ness, Mary Sue, poorly written in general) *** Fandom: Gargoyles *** Pairings: Chihuatlan Razortalon/Brooklyn/Puck, Goliath/Elisa, reluctant mention of Broadway/Angela *** Synopsis: Brooklyn saves some dragon princess whatever from a freak show. Everyone loves her immediately except Angela, but that's only because she's such a bitch. *** Comments: The story has mercifully been abandoned. The writing is choppy at best, as displayed by the awkward sex scenes. Angela also displays unnecessary Jerkassery. ** The Chronicles of Sono Asahina (Beige Prose, Self Insert Copycat Sue, attention drawn to the breasts of young female characters, horrible formatting) (sporking here) *** Fandom: Haruhi Suzumiya. *** Pairings: None, thank God. *** Synopsis: Mikuru's sister, who is named for the writer's screenname, attends North High where she learns that her sister is a time traveler. *** Comments: So mind-numbingly boring that it's quite possibly the only fanfic to be added to this page the day it was published. Chapter 1 is just a profile of the OC, and the sheer dullness of the other chapters makes it deserve a spot on this Wall Of Shame. The main character, an obvious Self Insert, is the sister of Mikuru and shares traits with Itsuki and Yuki. What those traits are were never revealed, but there's very little that they could be that wouldn't make the protagonist into a complete Mary Sue. It's clear from the very beginning that the writer has no ability to compose a sentence or even capitalize properly, as Every Word Which Is Not an Article, Conjunction, or Preposition Is Capitalized. The Beige Prose rivals that of the legendary TuxedoMark (see Mobile Suit Gundam Tournament on the "M-P" page for an example of the latter's work), and the author seems determined to retell the series with her character present, playing out every scene from the anime the way it was in the original, but without all the elements that made the anime or novels great. The chapters are more like disjointed oneshots which happen to succeed each other, there's no real plot, and the most recent two chapters take the form of text message conversations. *** To top it all off, there's some Fridge Logic inherent in the premise ï¿½ if both Sono and Mikuru are time travelers assigned on the same mission, then shouldn't the former know that the latter will be at her school? Why are two time travelers even needed in the first place? And why does Sono seem to want to be molested by Haruhi? *** It gets worse. Sono is apparently not only able to reveal details of the future, but she's supposed to inform Haruhi about who she is. And Haruhi believes her! Instantly! Mikuru has officially been rendered useless. *** To add insult to injury, the writer had the audacity to post the exact same fic twice with the "justification" that...wait for it...in the revision, Sono has no middle name! It's obviously a different fic if the main character has no middle name! ** clannad (Bad writing, Out of Character, no plot, Rouge Angles of Satin, Beige Prose, Dead Fic) *** Fandom: Clannad (duh). *** Pairings: Tomoya / Nagisa *** Synopsis: The story starts by introducing Tomoya. He "hATE"s his "ddqd" because he won't let him go to the heavy metal concerts he wants to go to. He is walking up the street when he meets Nagisa, a girl wearing a black miniskirt, fishnet stockings, black heels, and red lipstick. She also dyes her hair red, black, and silver. She's also a heavy metal fan. (For anyone who hasn't watched Clannad or played the Visual Novel, Nagisa is supposed to be a shy, sweet, modest, Ill Girl, who wants to become an actress.) Tomoya proceeds to ask if she wants to make out. She agrees, so the head into the woods and do so as well as listen to heavy metal. The second chapter has Nagisa showing Tomoya something he thinks is "carp" on Youtube. It turns out, Nagisa is a fan of Hatsune Miku, and Tomoya then talks about how he hated it so much that he was about to punch Miku in the face, a feat impossible due to Miku being virtual, and thus not touchable. So he punches Nagisa instead. She starts crying, so he feels sorry. She accepts his apology, and they kiss. *** Comments: Appears to be a Dead Fic after a mere 2 chapters, but the author managed to fit so much pure awfulness into 2 chapters that doesn't even seem possible. It is also probably one of the least accurate portrayals of the Clannad characters ever. This fic takes all of the series' magic and sucks it right out of the story. The characters become stale and lifeless, and the romance makes no sense at all! All in all, it is horrible, and you can't help but feel grateful the fic died before it could get to any of the other characters. **** It actually did get to some of the other characters. Apparently, the "author" is back from some sort of hiatus. Fuko was mentioned specifically, and one of the chapters seems to reference Sunohara. Lifeless is a pretty accurate description of this! ** Cloud Mows the Lawn (Bad writing, failed logic, explicit sex, scat) (protective MST here) *** Fandom: Final Fantasy VII. *** Pairings: Cloud / Tifa. *** Synopsis: Cloud mows the lawn with Tifa watching him. She gets so engrossed in watching him that she craps on the floor. Then he comes in and discovers that he likes scat, too. Sex ensues. *** Comments: Possibly the most dramatic case of a Non-indicative Name in the history of fanfic ï¿½ it starts with Cloud mowing the lawn, but progresses in such a way that the reader wishes it had stayed there. Cloud simply mowing the lawn would've been boring as hell, but it wouldn't have been Cloud Mows the Lawn ï¿½ and this would've been a good thing. This isn't just included for the Squick; it's poorly written, and the setup could hardly be more illogical and contrived. Who takes a dump while watching their lover mow the lawn and thereby discovers a scat fetish? **** The crazy thing is, it doesn't even promote scat well! It almost looks like a satire of scat porn...as if that needed to be satirized. Seriously, "gassy poo"? And it's a twenty-year-old woman in the story saying it! **** It says something when even Bennett The Sage says it's utterly disgusting. *** another mst here ** "Crashing to earth" (Mary Sue, God Mode Sue, Self Insert Fic, Relationship Sue, Black Hole Sue, Jerk Sue, mass Canon Defilement, Rude Author, Thirty Sue Pileup, New Powers as the Plot Demands, an Ass Pull every time the author gets the chance, Her Code Name Was Mary Sue, Plot Holes, Did Not Do the Research, Conflict Ball) *** Fandom: Keroro Gunsou. *** Pairing: Mary Sue / Giroro, Mary Sue / Dororo, Mary Sue / second Dororo, Natsumi / Saburo, Keroro / Tamama. *** Synopsis: Atlanta's a half-Keronian, half-Axolotlian medic who gets on a ship to send supplies to the planet of who-gives-a-fuck. However, her ship gets hijacked by bunch of vipers who send the ship spiraling towards "Earth"...where she's rescued by the Keroro Platoon and a bunch of OCs. *** Comments: What's so bad about this fanfic? Placing aside the fact that 1) Atlanta is a blatant Mary Sue that almost everyone loves for no real reason and 2) all the OCs are simply there to make her look good...everything. The paragraph structure, spelling, grammar, and punctuation are atrocious, there's two of the same canon for reasons unexplained, the bad guys suddenly appear back on the ship right after escaping from it, and there's pointless scenes that have nothing to do with the story. The "best" parts are when Atlanta beats up the bad guys, despite being injured, in a supposedly "bad ass" comeback...and when one of her OC friends makes her a house in the most implausible way ever. Atlanta is such a mashup of so many Mary Sue traits, and the story so poorly written, you won't believe this isn't a Troll Fic. Truly, one of the most confusing Keroro Gunso self-insert fanfics ever written. **** It also hints to a sequel which thankfully was never written. **** Atlanta has her own Keroro Fanon Article, which somehow manages to make things even more unbelievably confusing. ** The Coming of Munihausen (Explicit sex, Gorn, Canon Defilement, Character Derailment, Naughty Tentacles, Self Insert Fic, Death Is Cheap used in ridiculous quantities, necrophilia, Artistic License - Biology, Wish Fulfillment, bad writing, Gratuitous Rape) *** Fandom: Sailor Moon / Urotsukidoji crossover. *** Pairings: Thirty Stu Pileup / all of the Senshi. *** Synopsis: Faust wants to steal the Ginzuishou so he can kill the Overfiend and take his place. To do this, he drags the Sailor Senshi, Mamoru, and Chibi-Usa into the future. Sex, mayhem, and Naughty Tentacles ensue. *** Comments: This fic by The Great Red Serpent is a crossover between Sailor Moon and Urotsukidoji (aka "Legend of the Overfiend"). In case that isn't bad enough, the Senshi are raped in every possible way by a horde of Marty Stu tentacle demons who are almost always conveniently immune to the Senshi's attacks. Even Mamoru doesn't get off scot-free, as he's raped by a couple of rednecks. When not getting raped, the Senshi are practically throwing themselves at the Author Avatar and his Lemon Stu friends ï¿½ one of whom has healing necrophiliac sex with Sailor Pluto's corpse. IKEA Erotica all around ï¿½ sometimes literally, like when Usagi uses a bedpost as a dildo. Finally, the author claims to be Lakota, but his Lakota is off...and people speak it reflexively even though both of the series this fic is tied to are set in Japan (Gratuitous Lakota, now that's a new one). **** The characters must have some kind of Healing Factor (apart from their convenient resurrection every few hours) to survive the amount of damage inflicted on their bodies. Usagi's sex organs (and sometimes the rest of her body) are virtually destroyed in every sexual encounter she has, yet she never suffers any kind of permanent injury and always begins to enjoy it. Calling even the non-rape lemon scenes dubiously consensual would be incredibly generous. The author also is obsessed with making his self insert overpowered, sexually gifted, and loved by all; conversely, he mentions at every opportunity that one would need an electron microscope to see Mamoru's dick. Some of the scenes, like the one where the Senshi have a giant lesbian orgy so that they can stay awake to guard Mamoru, have to be read to be believed. **** What plot there is beyond this...orgiastic dullness...is convoluted and disturbing. The ending, however, blows this all away. It's a Shaggy Dog Story taken to the max ï¿½ a dull, poorly explained, incredibly short, and stupidReset Button where the author blatantly admits to writing this as a Self Insert Fic so that he and his friends could fuck the Sailor Senshi. This fanfic is beyond bad ï¿½ it's disgusting, horribly written, and narcissistic. Avoid it at all costs. ** *Currently Unnamed* (Self Insert Fic, Dark Fic, character death, crossover) (link goes to a superior MST) *** Fandom: Super Mario Bros., with some Pokï¿½mon and a dash of Star Wars. *** Pairing: Marty Stu / girlfriends. *** Synopsis: WATCH the blatant Author Avatar Marty Stu pull random powers out of his ass (including catching a Bob-omb with a Poke Ball) to save the incredibly-bland girlfriends he created! SEE Mario and friends get kidnapped by Bowser in a completely unrelated plot with no explanation, only for Mario to be killed when Wendy Koopa kisses him! SCREAM at the depressing and idiotic plot that only serves to kill off half the Koopa kids and get them sent to heaven, where one of them fights a black smoke monster (no relation to Lost)! BE AMAZED at the Marty Stu following the random kidnappers of his girlfriend using ships from Star Wars! *** Comments: From one of the authors of A Haunting Past comes this pile of sludge. GASP at how the entire thing seems like three terrible unrelated stories crammed together! CLICK the link to see the "amazing" show! (The fic was never finished.) D ** The Day Care (Rape, explicit sex, poor writing and grammar, graphic torture, scat, Gorn, pedophilia, Body Horror, Not Safe For Humanity or Mind) *** Fandom: Pokï¿½mon. *** Pairings: Ditto / Anything That Moves. *** Synopsis: A Ditto and a Wailord are put in a Pokemon Day Care and have over-the-top gross sex while Ditto transforms into many things. Ditto gets bored of having sex with Wailord, so it goes and rapes humans while turning into gross objects and body parts. *** Comments: The plot is just horrible and sick, containing a huge amount of rape and insanely over-the-top explicit sex (the way Ditto tortures one teenage girl is Sick and Wrong). It also has poor writing, with spelling mistakes and failed grammar. The "humor" is gross and unfunny. **** The sad thing is, you can tell the author (Crack Lemon King) was striving to be So Bad, It's Good in the vein of The Soul Of A Wizard, but has no idea how the former became such. Mercifully, FF.net could tell this too, and took the story down. ** Desert Fortress (No Yay, Mr. Seahorse, Squick, Yaoi, Sick and Wrong) *** Fandom: The Legend of Zelda. *** Pairing: Link / Ganon. *** Synopsis: Link finally faces down Ganon and prepares to finish him off once and for all when Ganon makes Link an offer to join him. Link, tired of the fighting and killing, reluctantly accepts and forsakes his title of hero. Squickensues, including Ganon putting Link in a ritual to have him give birth to their child. (shudder) *** Comments: This is the wet dream of a girl who has read too many Twilight fanfics. Link and Ganon are completely Out of Character. ** Diamond Pokemon (Bestiality, explicit sex, biology failure, pedophilia, {fem}slash, Character Derailment, Parental Incest) *** Fandom: Pokï¿½mon. *** Pairings: Dawn/basically everyone. *** Synopsis: Dawn goes on a journey and has sex with Anything That Moves. *** Comments: Chapter 1 is an index explaining what kinds of sex happen in each chapter, one of them being "M/M/F/F, F/F, anal, oral, toys, femslash while guys perform anal on them". Consider that there's 17 chapters, each of middling to great length, and the fact that Dawn's around ten becomes rather alarming. As such, practically all the sex is quite disturbing. There's also tons of bestiality and a talking Bidoof. **** The author's now quite ashamed of this work. He's aware that it got filed here, and claims that he couldn't agree more. ** Dice the Loner Hamster (Marty Stu, Character Derailment, Bad Writing, Script Fic with YouTube links inserted, Plot What Plot with over 30 chapters) *** Fandom: Hamtaro. *** Pairing: Random hamsters. *** Synopsis: There's no plot. Really. *** Comments: Among the fic's offenses are a Marty Stu emo hamster who's a Squall Leonhart ripoff, Out of Character Hamhams, horrid writing, a Thirty Sue Pileup, and a length of over 30 chapters. **** Some person faved all these "wonderful" works of art. All chapters. **** The author admits that this is an Old Shame. E to H E * Eevee TF TG (As it advertises, Transformation and Transgendering; Genital Mutilation; Beige Prose; abuse of the English language; failing EVERYTHING forever; threatened genderbending) (MST here, sporkings hereand here) ** Fandom: Pokï¿½mon in name only. ** Synopsis: Phil's walking through a park and decides that he's thirsty, and so he buys a drink and gets naked(!!). A pink Eevee named Sam walks up to Phil and tells him that he should go to the bathroom while he has his drink, at which point "Phil walked in as a pink Eevee walked out bleeding from the pussy". While Phil is sitting naked in the bathroom, drinking, Sam pulls out a pair of "gender change scissors" and gets ready to snip off Phil's genitals to transform him into a pink Eevee as well. ** Comments: Very short, but the sheer amount of awful the author managed to cram into those few words is astounding. The writing's brief, blunt, and terrible; the plot makes absolutely no sense and is creepy besides; and (here's the ironic part) it was advertised as being "erotic". You know you're dealing with something atrocious when the author has yet to find a fan on deviantART, which is known for being kinky. Literally every comment on this story (save one, "XD") is negative, ranging from horrified confusion to disgust. Quite possibly the nicest thing anybody has to say about this story (besides that "XD") could be paraphrased as "Hey, with something so horrible under your belt, you've got nowhere to go but up!" * Ecrofirt (Copycat Sue, Character Derailment, sdrawkcab name) ** Fandom: The Legend of Zelda. ** Pairing: Link x OC ** Synopsis: In a universe alternate to Hyrule called "Eluryh", a girl described as having "stunning sapphire eyes and long flowing blonde hair that normally sits well past her waist" is chased by the forces of the evil "Frodnon" and after being hit by an arrow very conviently is sent to Hyrule where she is found by Link. She has the last piece of the "Ecrofirt" which the woman, called Tagi, explains is Eluryh's version of the Triforce, except Silver and the pieces are Virtue, Morality and Faith. Tagi as it turns out is Link's counterpart (yet isn't called "Knil") as she is confused for him (even having a Master Sword lookalike) until people notice her conviently large chest. Then Ganondorf is freed from his prison thanks to a dimensional rip, and Frodnon enters Hyrule. Frodnon is apparently even more evil than Ganondorf, and as such Ganondorf forms a temporary alliance with Link and Tagi to stop him. Link inexplicably agrees to this. Frodnon attemps to imprison the gang via a magical barrier in Hyrule Castle Town, but thanks to Ganondorf's lame attempt at breaking the fourth wall ("Haven't you ever read books or watched shows where the heroes always managed to escape capture through a trapdoor that the villain has no idea that it's there until it's too late?") they manage to break the barrier. The story then continues on with Frodnon's evil plan to have the sages, now living in their old places, distrust Tagi (resulting in the only amusing part of the story where the sages attempt to imprison/kill her) and Tagi and Link's romance. Which is conviently possible because Zelda is now Link's brother (despite Link BLUSHING at Zelda's prescence earlier). ** Comments: A very bland and uncreative story. The author seems to think the endless amounts of backward names are subtle, and it's clear she couldn't think of any better names so just copied from canon and wrote them backwards. The worst case is Tagi, whose name she used an RP name generator for. None of the canon characters have any of their original personality or charm, and the OCs are just copycat Sues of the canon versions, ESPECIALLY Tagi. Her description in the prologue is bad enough, but naturally she becomes a Relationship Sue as well, running off crying at the mere idea that he prefers someone else. Tagi as a protagonist sucks - during the barrier scenario she angrily claims "THERE'S NO WAY OUT!", despite being a counterpart of Link who would never give up that easily. While the rest of the author's works are very unspectactular, this might well be the nadir. F * FaCe ThE StRaNgE (Crossover, explicit sex, Rouge Angles of Satin to the point of illegibility, Character Derailment, nonsensical plot and writing, Canon Defilement, character death, rape, Mary Sue) (official website here, sporking here) ** Fandoms: Harry Potter, Twilight, Sonic the Hedgehog, X-Men, and anything else the author likes. ** Pairings: Dally (self-insert Sue) / almost all males, Dumbledore / unspecified victims (rape), Snape / Bella (rape), implied Hiei / Sasuke, canon pairings. ** Synopsis: Dally (a self-insert Mary Sue/vampire/Mystique's daughter) goes to Hogwarts with her "friend" Edward Cullen, who seems to be in love with her. She goes on to have sex with Heiei, who can apparently get Mystique's powers by marrying Dally, who got them at puberty. Because of this, Dally ends up pregnant...but apparently, teen pregnancy's illegal at Hogwarts. Past that, the plot gets extremely confusing with demon/vampire babies and Dumbledore molesting people. ** Comments: Many believe the author's a really good troll, but she has stated multiple times that she honestly thinks this is a good story. The sheer WTF-ery is enough to warrant this being here, but there's also this immortal paragraph: "It will be okay... you can just use your power to turn my cum into water and then it wont be babies," he said as he started to tittyfuck her. Her boobs were huge so they could wrap them around his weiner like bumblebees." * The Fal'Cie Avatar (Crossover, Squick, Fan Disservice, Rouge Angles of Satin) ** Fandom: Final Fantasy XIII and Avatar The Last Airbender. ** Synopsis: "Aangu must fight against Lightning to preevent the chaos from devouring his world. But will he suck-seed? Or will Lightning prepare his anus for Uber-rape?" ** Comments: Basically, another Half-Life: Full Life Consequences rip-off. It only has four chapters, but it overuses such memes like "Prepare Your Anus" and rips off many things from other shows. Also, Lightning going around bottomless. In the worst way possible in a story like this. Ew. * Falling for a lioness (Atrocious grammar and spelling, Self Insert, Character Derailment, character death, bestiality, Beige Prose, probable Marty Stu) ** Fandom: The Lion King in name only, with elements of The Lion King 2. ** Pairing: Nala / Stuart, an Original Character. ** Synopsis: "a human tennager was flying to afica to do his dream when sudling it crashing killing his freind making him sole survier when he finds pridelands and certion lioness what going to hapen"] *** After the plane crashes and Colin (who is an OC and thus irrelevant) dies, Stuart (our lead) finds himself in the Pridelands two months into the rule of Scar. He is able to talk to the animals, and immediately befriends Serafina, Sarabi, and Nala. He then meets Scar and some hyenas, the latter with some shock because he is aware of the natural emnity between lions and hyenas. Scar sics three hyenas on him; he wins but is injured. Then he meets Queen Zira... It goes on from there. ** Comments: ...We don't know. The Troper who added the story to this page (NaiEve) couldn't get past Chapter 1 because the spelling is all like the above synopsis. Besides that, the story also fails in the sex department ï¿½ Nala has sex with Stuart and gets pregnant, apparently. We're not really sure, though. Going through this story is almost like doing a translation, and given the content, there's not a lot of motivation to read. *** This is part of a series. All There in the Manual that is this author's profile is a profile of Stuart. According to that, he is part human, part lion (which would explain the dialogue), and part wolf. ** MST project here. * Family Feud Special (Mass Character Derailment, Real Person Fic, Rouge Angles of Satin, gross historical inaccuracy, Anachronism Stew, complete lack of a true "story") ** Fandom: Family Feud, Match Game, and The Hollywood Squares. ** Synopsis: Script-fic with the casts of Match Game and the original Hollywood Squares playing an episode of Family Feud in the Ray Combs/pre-Bullseye era (1988-92). Historical inaccuracy, dead men walking, and a $5,000 win follow. ** Comments: Played painfully straight throughout for the sake of fanboy aspirations, ignoring the facts that: **# Combs' final episode aired May 27, 1994 (repeats ended September 9), and he died on June 2, 1996; further, the lack of Bullseye puts the "setting" before June 15, 1992. All of this make several name-drops (see below) rather idiotic. **# Richard Dawson left Match Game in mid-1978 because he was tired of it and wanted to concentrate on his own version of Feud (1976-85). He didn't even try to hide this during his last few weeks of MG. **# Both Dawson and Squares regular Paul Lynde were complete prima donnas, so putting them in the same room would've been a disaster. Besides that, Lynde died in January 1982 and Dawson was more or less blacklisted by Mark Goodson. **# Squares regulars Wally Cox and Charley Weaver (Cliff Arquette) died in February 1973 and September 1974 respectively, while Gene Rayburn died in November 1999. **# Most egregiously, the fic name-drops Frasier (debuted September 16, 1993), Friends (debuted September 22, 1994), Everybody Loves Raymond (debuted September 13, 1996), and My Wife And Kids (debuted March 28, 2001)...all of which debuted well after the setting, and after several deaths. **# The Combs era didn't use the "play or pass" option. *** ...Basically it's a total Anachronism Stew with no purpose, nothing to make it even remotely interesting (the author even asked "what is it about this, that is so bad?" when it got a negative reception at the forum he posted it to), gross historical inaccuracy, and a boatload of spelling and punctuation errors. * Family Matters (Character Derailment, Ron the Death Eater, Canon Defilement, explicit sex, Coma Sex, Not Safe For Humanity) (requires registration to read; partially-sporked version can be found here, and additional comments here) ** Fandom: Harry Potter. ** Pairings: Harry / Hermione, Harry / Mrs. Granger, Ron / Padma / Parvati / Luna, Sirius / Neville / Ginny / Susan, Tons / Lupin. ** Synopsis: Starts at the end of Fifth Year. After being horribly abused by Uncle Vernon, Harry runs away to stay with the Grangers, who are really cool, practice nudism, and have no problem with him having sex with their 16-year-old daughter. There's something about Voldemort, too...but good luck getting past Chapter 11. We've been continually told that Mrs. Granger looks like she could be Hermione's older sister, we've been told that the nudism the Grangers practice is totally not about sex...and then Harry has sex with Mrs. Granger. He just made a mistake, for it was dark and she looks like Hermione. Harry fucks her exactly the same way her husband does. Then she gets pregnant, but Mr. Granger's okay with it ï¿½ "it was an honest mistake", and they've always wanted another child. Oh, and it's twins. Hermione gets pregnant thanks to magical coma sex. Both female Grangers give birth on the same day and-oh, God, make it stop! ... In the end, everyone who's good gets get a Happily Ever After with lots of Polyamory and Babies Ever After while everyone who's bad gets what's coming to them. Harry also becomes Minister of Magic at sixteen. ** Comments: There's the nudism that the Grangers practice, including Hermione. The author (Kinsfire) writes as if there's nothing wrong with a 16-year-old girl being naked around her parents, or with people being naked around people who don't practice nudism. This is most glaring in Chapter 11, with further discussion here. * A Forgotten Race of Dragon (Mary Sue, Rouge Angles of Satin, gratuitous Ewan McGregor) ** Fandom: Dragon Booster crossed with Real Person Fic. ** Synopsis: Reignbeau, a new and extremely powerful dragon, appears in Dragon City. She displays a wide array of powers, including talking and a super-attack called the WAVE OF DISTRUCTION (no, really). The bad guys initially oppose her, but she owns them; they repent. Also, her rider is Ewan McGregor. ** Comments: While Dragon Booster fics have often featured new dragons or Mary Sues, this was the first fic with a dragon Mary-Sue in it. Reignbeau's superpowers destroy any chance of the fic being more than Reignbeau simply showing off her powers. The canon characters are reduced to either spectators or evil people, while most other aspects of canon are completely screwed up. Rouge Angles of Satin abound, as does extremely poor grammar. The crapfest is topped off by the random inclusion of Ewan McGregor as a character. * For Your Eyes Only (on ffnet here) (Hermaphrodite sex, brief-but-unpleasant Gorn, rape portrayed positively, sex between Petting Zoo People, Lolicon and Shotacon, Anatomically Impossible Sex, AU, Character Derailment, Canon Defilement, Idiot Plot, Unfortunate Implications, character death, Super Ultra Mambo-Tango-Foxtrot Biology Fail) ** Fandom: Naruto In Name Only. ** Pairing: Naruto / Sasuke (or is that Sasuke / Naruto?), Gaara / Lee, Kakashi / Iruka, Neji / Hinata. ** Synopsis: This fic takes place in an AU which resembles 21st-Century Real Life Japan, except all the students have been transformed into hermaphroditic toddler-like beings with animal ears and tails. Even though they still have human intelligence, speak human languages, and are permitted to own property and money, they remain the "pets" of the adult characters and have no rights over their own living conditions or breeding cycles. Naruto's an Uke cat/fox hermaphrodite who goes into heat and is forced to mate with Seme cat/wolf hermaphrodite Sasuke, which results in Twu Wuv...somehow. ** Comments: Every single character, "pet" and human alike, is so Out of Character that they couldn't see their normal selves with the Hubble telescope. Even though the pets are supposed to be hermaphrodites, and even though their canonical selves aren't like this, both the pets and the humans fulfill every single offensive gender stereotype possible; it's as if the author was using a checklist. Naruto is still referred to with male pronouns, but he acts like a stereotypical cutesy little girl except for all the sex. He's supposed to be sixteen years old, but behaves childishly. He speaks in a combination of Baby Talk and You No Take Candle so severe that he can't even pronounce his own name correctly ï¿½ it always comes out as "Naryuho". The supposedly-appealing childishness crosses into blatant stupidity at times, since at sixteen years old he's apparently unfamiliar with the word "women"! *** Rape Is Love occurs off-handedly, and the nightmarishly-cheerful tone of the author's notes suggest that the author doesn't get why it's a problem. For instance, the author says that Neji's "being sooo nice to Hinata" by raping her in her sleep! The author also sees nothing wrong with the living conditions of the cat-children in general or their mating habits in particular. *** Sakura gets bashed and later snuffed out for somehow being in the way of Sasuke and Naruto's relationship, even though she barely interacts with either and doesn't even have dialogue. First, she's described as a complete hobag even though she rejects Naruto and only ever even flirts with one character (and the latter happens offscreen). Later, Sasuke kills her simply for touching him. Meanwhile, their "owners" are more concerned about the mess and inconvenience than the violent, senseless death of a sapient being whom they own. *** There are a lot of Retcons and schools of Voodoo Sharks trying to explain how the demi-humans are able to breed. For example, the hermaphroditic pets have their uteri connected to their recta, only ukes grow a vagina later on, and raccoon Gaara has babies with frog Lee. Since the characters are basically human with animal ears and tails and frogs don't have external ears or tails, it's unclear how they can tell he's supposed to be a frog...but frankly, that's the least of the fic's problems. G * Girls (Scream) Aloud (Rape, character death, Gorn, AU) ** Fandom: Real Person Fic. ** Pairings: Girls Aloud members / evil Original Character(s). ** Synopsis: A sick little tale about "the very sexy deaths of all five members of the world's sexiest all-girl group" ï¿½ in this case, British pop group Girls Aloud. They wind up raped and dismembered through the course of the story before their body parts are listed on eBay. Yeah... ** Comments: In the grand tradition of Gorn-filled fanfic causing panic throughout the internet and the media, Darryn Walker was arrested and taken to court for writing this, although he was found not guilty once an IT expert showed that despite the sensationalist rantings of the tabloids, the fic could only be found by people explicitly searching for it rather than randomly stumbled across by young fans of Girls Aloud. (This is the sort of thing that makes people uneasy about Real Person Fic; nobody arrested the author of Agony in Pink, although they should have.) What makes this hilarious is that the news report didn't bother to omit the name of the fanfic to keep it from being Googled into oblivion... It isn't even that well-written, as there isn't enough punctuation. * Giroro's Secret (Explicit Hermaphrodite sex, Character Derailment) (MST here) ** Fandom: Keroro Gunsou. ** Parings: Kururu / Herm Giroro. ** Synopsis: Kururu finds out that his subordinate Corporal Giroro is a herm. Sex ensues. The fic ends with the two of them getting all mushy and gushy toward one another. ** Comments: Spelling and grammar is good (other than an inexplicable "hard throbbing sick"), but everything else is a trainwreck. The author describes every breath they take and every twitch and throb of their penises. The sex is puke-worthy, and the romance at the end is overly sappy by Kururu's standards (in canon, he's known to be a sneaky little pervert). *** And then there's the river of, ahem, natural lubricant. The river gushing all the way down to his feet. The mind...boggles. In general, reading this fanfic is akin to being smacked upside the head with a sledgehammer covered in bewildered neon question marks. * Goliath's fantesy (Explicit sex, slash, rape, threesomes, mass Out of Character) ** Fandom: Gargoyles. ** Pairings: Goliath / Elisa / Thailog, Brooklyn / Delilah / Sara (an OC who was fictional In-Universe before this happened), Derrick / Maggie / Malibu, Claw / Demona / Angela, non-con Fang / Demona, possible hinted Lex / Broadway. ** Synopsis: "Goliath has been reading some interesting things in books and has deciede to include Thailog". Confusing subplots include kidnapping, camping, pregnancy, two-timing, rape, and sexual slavery. ** Comments: Ugh. The grammar and syntax are awkward; the spelling's painfully bad; and everyone's either OOC or Flanderized. As for the sex, it's awkward, silly, and Fetish Retardant. And this all goes on for 16 chapters! *** The author (Shadowstar_Pridestar) apologizes for lousy grammar in Chapter 11, but does nothing about it. It gets so bad, you can hardly tell what's going on! H * Harry Potter turns to the Lord (Character Derailment, Critical Research Failure, Easy Evangelism, Black Hole Marty Stu) (MST here) ** Fandom: Harry Potter. ** Synopsis: Harry runs away from Hogwarts and into the clutches of a fanatical Christian Marty Stu who, with Jack Chick's brand of insta-convert evangelism, convinces Harry that witchcraft is evil and turns him into a devout Christian in less than a week. ** Comments: It's a contrived, badly-written Christian propaganda fanfic that manages to break canon in almost every conceivable area. *** This is a case of Did Not Do the Research. In the words of Ned Flanders, "And Harry Potter and his Wizard friends went to hi-diddly Hell for practicing witchcraft and wizardry." (Okay, so the fic's about preventing that, but you get the idea.) *** Extra points for the author himself giving the fic a positive review. Speaking of reviews, some of them are hoping this is just Troll Fic, but who knows? * A Haunting Past (Crossover, character death) (MST here) ** Fandom: Super Mario Bros. In Name Only, crossed with Sailor Moon. ** Synopsis: Lemmy Koopa breaks his ball. After a bunch of pointless plots, a bunch of random people get into a pseudo-Power Rangers / DBZ / Sailor Moon fight with the Quirky Miniboss Squad from Super Mario RPG. Then Sailor Moon and friends arrive, they fight some more, Chibi Moon dies, the heroes win through a lame and corny Heroic Sacrifice...and it finally degrades into a totally irrelevant mess before finally ending. ** Comments: A truly horrific Super Mario fanfic that ditches anything Mario-related near the beginning and goes plummeting down from there. Plot Holes, terrible writing, a Marty Stu, and a nonsensical and pathetic story......it's all there. Oh, and the cast of Sailor Moon arrives halfway through for no reason. The MST, as you'd expect, is much better. * How Videl Discovered Her Abortion Fetish (In Name Only, Gorn, surgical procedures glorified and described in detail, massive Squick) ** Fandom: Dragon Ball. ** Pairings: Videl / Gohan, Videl / Vegeta. Both are promptly ignored. ** Synopsis: Videl researches abortion and gets incredibly aroused. Gohan steps in; sex ensues. Later, Videl realizes she's five months pregnant and gets an abortion, enjoying every step of the process down to looking at the remains. She leaves, saving the clinic's number. ** Comments: A sickening fic that does for its fetish what Cloud Mows The Lawn did for scat ï¿½ it's a vehicle for a paraphilia that backfires, turning Videl into The Sociopath. The Esoteric Happy Ending only makes things worse. *** This is the second fic Bricken has discovered which he refuses to touch, considering it worse than Rectified Anonymity. (WIP)